Today had turned into a rare day. Although I began the day as usual, with my calendar fully booked until 9pm, as the day progressed, all my commitments got canceled and I was out of the office by 4pm! All I had to do was pick up some stuff for dance class tomorrow from a studio, pick up mom from the station and head home! I had all sorts of plans for the things I would finally get started on (and maybe even completed) that were just commitments to myself! But, as I was sitting in the God forsaken traffic of this horrid state, a sinus headache came on, strong!
By the time I got home and cooked dinner, I was already feeling pretty shitty. By nature, I am a medicine avoider, so I hadn’t popped any pills for the headache. Just went on the whim that it would eventually go away. It did not. And before I knew it, the hours were passing me by, and nothing on my “to-do” list was being touched. The only thing I could muster up some energy for, was a face mask; I really didn’t want to end the day with having done nothing for myself! I eventually did take two pills, and my mom even massaged my head/face, but it never did go away.
That’s when I started to think, what if I had the original (outside) commitments? Would a headache have stopped me? Would I have canceled anything? The very short and sincere answer is, No. I would’ve sucked it up and done all the things I needed to do. But the minute the things to do were for myself, instead of pulling it together and getting things done, I gave into the pain of the headache.
This begged the question, am I my biggest problem?
I think the very short and sincere answer to this is, Yes.