Health

My Juice Cleanse Fail

So much for thinking a juice cleanse was going to be a life altering, jump start back to my healthy-eating lifestyle. I’ll tell you up front, my juice cleanse was a total fail.

Now let me tell you why that was more than likely entirely my fault.

I ordered the BluePrint 2-day cleanse (a total of 12, 16-oz juices).


Day 1

Trying to coincide my juice cleanse with a friend’s wedding (because of course a 2-day juice cleanse is just enough detoxing to create a visible change on my body and fit into that dress sans a tummy!), was my first mistake.

I ordered the juice cleanse such that it arrived on the afternoon of the first day I intended to do the cleanse.

Note to self: if you want to do a juice cleanse in preparation for an event, remember that there is a few days gap between when you order your cleanse and when it will actually arrive. I hadn’t bothered to look at that when I placed my order, thus starting off already behind the timelime.

I started my cleanse at 9pm on Day 1. I had logic behind it, the wedding was to begin at 6pm (almost) 48-hours from now. So that puts me right around finishing my last drink at 6pm on the night of the wedding. Technically, the math was sound.

It took me 3 hours to finish a green juice (it wasn’t bad tasting, I’m just not a beverage person).

As a result, my second drink was at 2am, naturally.

I went to bed, and woke up the next day (which happen to be my longest day of the week, 17-hour day), ready to chug drink no. 3; this also took another three hours.

Day 2

The plan was to be done with all 6 juices by 6pm on this day so I could start my first “Day 2” juice at 9pm. This way, by the time I would get home at midnight, I’d be on my second juice of Day 2, leaving just enough time to consume the remaining 4 juices the following morning/afternoon, in time for the wedding . It would’ve worked just fine, but I was perpetually behind my own schedule.

When the wedding day came (real time Day 3, but Day 2.5 in cleanse time), I hadn’t even gotten through juice no. 1 and I needed to be done with the cleanse and at the wedding by 6pm.

None of it was adding up. So I took 5 hours drinking juice no. 1 (seriously, why was *I* even on a juice cleanse?!), and headed to the wedding where all I did was eat solid food…loads of it!


In conclusion, The 1-day juice cleanse did nothing for me, and if it did, I had no proof of it.

So what happened to my Day 2 juices (minus 1)? They are sitting in my fridge.

Technically good until the date on the bottles (April 18), I figured I would give myself another shot of doing a 1-day cleanse when I knew I’d be home all day.

Mind you, these juice cleanses are NOT cheap, so I am a total idiot for investing in something that was clearly a failure for me. Or perhaps juice cleanses are just this difficult at the beginning and when I do it a second time, it’ll get easier?

I had originally intended to do a juice cleanse every three months to keep up with the detox, but we’ll see how my 1-day cleanse goes before I decide that investing $200 every three months is now a life choice.

Favorite Juice: Nut & Bolt because it’s more like a shake than a juice

Least Favorite Juice:  the beet juice is terrible and very tangy!

Till next time…make better choices than me, people!

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