Last week I turned 35! And a week later, I am ready to properly share my reflection of this new age bracket.
My initial reaction to my 35th birthday was one of uncertainty.
It wasn’t so much about turning 35 as it was about the idea of 40 creeping up sooner than ever. Because 40 seems like the age by which you really really need to have your shit together. To be fair, I once thought the same about turning 30 and only in retrospect realized what a load of unrealistic bullshit that was.
All these uncertainty made me not want to celebrate my birthday the way I normally would. Suddenly, I just wanted to spend it alone. I know, it sounds depressing but it wasn’t; I just felt like I needed time to reflect. However, I quickly realized that spending time with my loved ones would be a better way to spend my day. And that’s what I did.
Leading up to my birthday, I wondered the same things I wonder every now and again, What am I doing with my life? Where am I headed? Is this where I should be? Where should I be? What have I accomplished?… and every plausible version of those questions.
A little pep talk usually gets me back on track with those.
But of late, a different kind of question had started to pop up, albeit much less frequently.
Many of my friends have gotten married over the past couple of years, some have began having babies; neither of those things have been on my list of goals to attain. And honestly, the approach of 35 hasn’t made me want those things, but what it has done is make me question IF I should be wanting those things.
I wondered if one day I would wake up and regret not having gotten married, not becoming a mother, not having someone to take care of me when I’m old. I am happy for my friends who have led that life and are happy, but it’s not what I want, it’s not what I have wanted in nearly a decade. But I wanted to make sure that I took the time to rethink the subject, to ensure that my answer is still no and that I wasn’t just bandwagoning off of my old feelings and thoughts on the matter.
Especially because the one thing I have always maintained is that even though these are not things I want now, it does not mean that I may not want it at some point in the future. After all, I am very conscious of the fact that some 10-15 years ago, I too wanted to be married, have kids and live in a white picket fenced house. My strong belief in change being the only constant in life demanded I take some time to reflect on this topic. After all, never say never, right?
So I did.
I thought about it.
I thought about the pros, the cons and my truest feeling on the subject. The answer is still, No. I don’t want to be married, I don’t want to have kids and I don’t want to live in a white picket fenced house. We can at least put this to rest…for now.
I think the real question was, is this where I should be at 35?
The answer was obviously NO.
This isn’t where I should be. I should clearly be much more successful, put together, happier, healthier, wealthier, more traveled and I should certainly be doing more with my life.
I realized that my issue isn’t that I wasn’t doing things with my life, but that I wasn’t doing things that could be crossed off on a checklist. After all, a goal of, be a better person, can’t be measured. Becoming a better person wasn’t an end goal task that I could cross off, it was an ongoing process of a life time.
I needed to make some goals more accountable. Apparently, I need to be able to cross things off is my big discovery. Haha.
So I have three goals set out for this year:
- Move into my own place.
- Make swimming a regular part of my life.
- Travel to at least 1 new continent, at least 2 new countries, at least 3 new cities and at least 1 new US National Park.
Now these are things I can aim for and cross off once reached.
So bring it on new age bracket…I’m ready for you!
As you celebrate your birthday this year, I wish the very best for all of you and hope that you will take some time to focus on you.
What I Think I Say 